


Harry Potter and the Feelings He Tried (and failed) to Pretend  Didn’t Exist

by LookinPrettyGoodForADeadBitch



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: 8th year, Drarry, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Gift, M/M, Pining Harry, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21964138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookinPrettyGoodForADeadBitch/pseuds/LookinPrettyGoodForADeadBitch
Summary: The two stood in silence for a few minutes. Stars were twinkling in the sky above them, snow was quilting the grounds below them and it was nice to just exist, to have a few minutes without reputations or expectations weighing them down. They felt free, especially when they were together because they both knew what it felt like to have the world on their shoulders. They both knew what it felt like to go to drastic measures to protect the ones you love.“I’m glad we’re friends,” Draco said quietly, he looked at Harry and gave him a smile.“Me too,” Harry replied with a smile and the two boys turned back to look at the stars.This is my first time writing something that other people are going to read so I apologise for any errors!This is a gift for a lovely person who I hope had an amazing holiday season! May your drarry wishes be granted and your bookmarked tabs be plentiful! I hope you enjoy it! Happy Holidays! :))
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 159
Collections: A Very Drarry Secret Santa 2019





	Harry Potter and the Feelings He Tried (and failed) to Pretend  Didn’t Exist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LavenderPhantomCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderPhantomCat/gifts).



> Please go easy on me, I am but a baby writer. Happy holidays to all and to all, a goodnight!
> 
> My writing process was a bit strange, I came up with a few ideas and this one became the one I felt best about so I hope it’s okay!

Harry sighed and poked his bacon. He was starting to regret returning for his eighth year but Hermione had convinced him and Ron to come back to get their N.E.W.Ts, even though Kingsley did offer them spots in the Auror training program, something in Harry’s gut told him to listen to Hermione.

So here he was, at breakfast in the great hall, next to Ron and Hermione who were too busy arguing (or rather, flirting) to pay him any mind. Harry was glad that he, Ron and Hermione weren’t the only Gryffindors returning, across from Harry sat Dean and Seamus, mumbling to each other about something Harry felt was supposed to be their own conversation. Lavender 

“Attention students,” McGonagall’s voice rang throughout the great hall and everyone looked up “the professors and I have come to the decision that due to the loss we’ve experienced and the division between houses, the returning eighth-year students will have new dormitories that will include students from every house. I will escort you all there myself after the feast, and I hope you all use this opportunity to get to know each other and come together instead of being divided by house prejudice.” 

All eyes moved to the Slytherin table as if people expected them to roll their eyes and start plotting something. As if they expect them to cause as seen over being made to share a dormitory with students from a house other than Slytherin. 

The returning eighth year Slytherins consisted of Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Millicent Bulstrode, and of course Draco Malfoy. 

Draco Malfoy whose parents had been saved from a life sentence in Azkaban. Draco Malfoy who was required as part of his probation, as were the other eighth year Slytherins, to finish their education then go straight into working for the ministry. Draco Malfoy whose face wasn’t as proud as it once was. Draco Malfoy who kept his eyes on the headmistress and didn’t show anyone any sort of emotion whatsoever. Draco Malfoy whose face was still sharp as ever. Draco Malfoy whose eyes were like steel. Draco Malfoy who really shouldn’t be in Harry’s head as much as he is. Draco Malfoy who Harry may or may not have paid a lot of attention to in their sixth year due to a minuscule crush.

The Slytherin eighth years just ignored the stares. It was unnerving how still they were, how none of them moved, as if someone had cast petrificus totalus on them and they were frozen in place. 

As Harry watched them, he thought about the war. How Parkinson tried to offer him up to Voldemort, how Zabini used to walk around as if he had Felix Felicis for blood, how Bulstrode liked to walk around with her nose in the air, how Crabbe would glare at anyone who got to close. How Draco Malfoy, who saved Harry’s life, was now silent and stoic instead of the cocky arsehole Harry knew. 

Harry supposed the war changed them, or at least their behaviour. 

Harry felt something poke his side, he turned his head to find the source and he finds that Hermione was the one who poked him. “Harry, you need to listen to McGonagall.”  
“I’m listening.”  
“Staring at Malfoy doesn’t count mate,” Ron said  
“I was not staring at Malfoy,” Harry said defensively. Why did everyone always think he was obsessed with Malfoy? He wasn’t, he just thought that the Slytherins were acting a bit odd (and that Malfoy was ever so slightly handsome.)  
“Mate, you know I have no issue with you being bi, but does it have to be Malfoy?” Ron asked almost hesitantly  
“What? No it- I just think it’s weird that they’re all so calm about this.” Harry couldn’t believe his own best friend suspected him of liking Malfoy. It was Malfoy for Merlin’s sake!  
“If you say so…” Ron smiled and turned back to his meal.  
After finishing her speech about house unity, McGonagall gave one last curt smile to the students before they started to filter out, ready to get to their first lesson of the day. 

During the summer before they came back to Hogwarts, Harry spent some time in the muggle world, trying to figure out who he was outside of being ‘The Chosen One'. Turns out, Harry’s preference when it came to romantic partners was not limited to just women. A little bit of experimentation and having a few too many at a random pub confirmed the existence of Harry’s bisexuality. The few weeks Harry spent in the muggle world where quite unexpectedly chaotic for a multitude of reasons, one of which being the fact that Ginny came out to Harry. Harry was honestly quite happy that Ginny was the one to end things for two reasons: they decided to stay friends which Harry was thankful for. The other reason was that it meant Harry wouldn’t be interrogated by the entire Weasley family. 

“Hello, Harry.” Luna had a smile on her face. Harry wondered how, after everything she’d been through, she managed to be so chirpy on a Monday morning.  
“Hey Luna, how are you?” Harry asked, returning her smile. Luna took a seat on the bench opposite Harry, her beetroot earrings swaying as she moved.  
“I’m quite well thank you, how are you?”  
“I’m okay, thanks” Harry answered, it sounded rehearsed, but Harry was okay, truly, he wasn’t sad or angry or overly happy, he was just… okay. He was bored, true. It was also quite lonely with Ron and Hermione off being all couple-y all the time. At least they still ate breakfast together.  
“Are you sure? You seem a bit lonesome sat here all by yourself.”  
“I’m not-” Harry turned to his side but Hermione and Ron had disappeared. ‘When did they leave?’ Harry thought, did they tell him they were leaving? Harry shook his head and turned back to Luna.  
“Well, thanks for coming to sit with me.” He said  
“You’re welcome, Harry.” Luna smiled again and reminded Harry that he had potions first. Harry rushes to finish his breakfast then gather his things, then he stood and gave Luna a quick goodbye. 

When Harry entered the classroom, the first thing he noticed was that everyone had already found a seat. Ron and Hermione were sat together, Dean and Seamus were sat together, very closely, probably more than was appropriate for a lesson. Harry just sighed and looked around for a free desk. The only free desk Harry could see was at the very back of the classroom, which was a godsend to Harry considering he didn’t want Slughorn calling on him to answer every question. 

Harry sat down, put his books, parchment, quill and ink on the table. As Harry was getting ready to start the lesson, someone had decided to sit next to him. When Harry turned to see who this mystery person was, he most certainly didn’t expect Draco Malfoy to be the one to sit next to him. Apparently, neither did anyone else, out of the corner of his eye Harry could see a few people staring. ‘Okay, it’s fine, it’s just Malfoy.’ 

“Morning Potter.” Malfoy faces Harry and gave him a smile. Not a sneer, not murderous glare. A smile. A friendly smile. 

‘Okay; what the fuck?’ 

Harry decided to ignore Malfoy. He didn’t want to take part in whatever scheme Malfoy had cooked up in his head. 

As Slughorn started talking, Harry stopped paying attention. Hermione would scold him for it later but he didn’t really care, as much as he found potions to be utterly boring, Harry could brew them just fine if he focused and followed the instructions. 

The rest of the day passed in a sort of haze, Harry ended up sitting with Ginny and Luna at lunch on the Gryffindor table because Ron and Hermione were off studying or snogging somewhere. Harry didn’t care, really he didn’t. If his friends wanted to spend time together then Harry didn’t mind.

Luna and Ginny were discussing the new dormitories and how interesting the whole idea was. “What do you think Harry?” Ginny asked him.  
“I certainly didn’t expect it. But I suppose it's a good idea in theory.”  
Harry didn't know whether or not he liked the idea. On one hand, he now had to share a room with Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini and luckily Ron. The idea of waking up and not being surrounded by fellow Gryffindors was a bit gut-wrenching, but he supposed that’s why it was happening, to help everyone get over their prejudices. The whole idea was a bit confusing, but Harry didn’t doubt McGonagall knew what she was doing.  
“I think it’s a charming idea. It’s going to help people make friends with people they might least suspect.” Said Luna. Harry gave her a smile. The two girls returned to their conversation and theorising. Harry went back to his dinner. 

After about half an hour of pondering, Harry decided to take a walk by the Black Lake. He’d decided it would be more entertaining and beneficial than just poking his food all night. The air had a slight chill, Harry didn’t mind. As he walked he thought about all the possible people he could’ve been paired with, he hoped it was someone in his year at least. He didn’t fancy chatting with someone who’s name he didn’t know, just for the sole purpose that it’d be easier for him. As Harry walked further along the bank of the lake, he noticed a figure, standing completely still looking out at the lake. Upon further inspection, Harry could tell that it was Malfoy. Harry debates turning back and pretending he’d never been outside but if he can defeat Voldemort, he can walk past Draco Malfoy. 

The closer Harry got to Malfoy the more he wanted to ask him questions. Questions like ‘why did you take the dark mark?’ And ‘Why didn’t you identify me in the manor?’ Harry has a lot of questions for Malfoy and yet he couldn’t find the Gryffindor courage to ask them. Harry stopped a little ways away from Malfoy, his eyes on the blond boy. He didn’t look as arrogant as he did, he looked more solemn. Malfoy, as far as Harry knew, had kept to himself as much as he could since the trials. As Harry debated everything that could possibly be going on in Malfoys head, he didn’t realise that Malfoy had noticed him.  
“Potter, are you going to stand there and stare at me all evening?” Harry’s eyes widened  
“Um… er, no..” he managed to get that miserable excuse for a reply out, having been caught off guard. Harry was turning the cogs in his brain to try and think of something witty to say, something that wouldn’t make him sound like he’d been caught staring at an ex death eater. 

Malfoy beat him to it.  
“Good, now if you’ll excuse me.” Before Harry could say anything Malfoy had started walking hastily back to the castle, he seemed almost embarrassed to have been caught not being an arse for probably the first time ever. Harry sighed and decided to stay outside for a little longer, not wanting Malfoy to think he was following him. 

Later that night, very late that night, when Harry was in bed and everyone else in his dorm was asleep, Harry lay awake thinking. Thinking about how insane it was to have Malfoy one bed over from him. Thinking about how when Harry and Ron decided to go to bed after a game of exploding snap, the two Slytherin boys were asleep with the curtains on their four-poster beds shut tight. Thinking about how solitary the Slytherins had been, no one had seen them outside of lessons, or rather Harry hadn’t seen them outside of lessons. Obviously, they attended meals but they only stayed long enough to eat and make it look like they weren’t running off and hiding somewhere. Thinking about Malfoy and the way he was staring at the lake. Malfoy looked so tense. He was stood straight and still as if trying to mimic the stillness of a statue. Harry shook the thought of Malfoy out of his head and turned over to go to sleep. Refusing to let Malfoy be the last thing he thought of before he slept, Harry forced himself to think about Treacle Tart instead. 

•••

The next day started just as the previous day had. Harry woke up, got dressed, washed his face and brushed his teeth. He tried to tame his hair but that never worked. Grabbing his bag, Harry left the tower and made his way down to breakfast. Hermione and Ron were already there, already deep in conversation. Well, Hermione was really doing all the talking, Ron was eating his breakfast and giving a head nod every now and then to prove he was listening. 

Harry sat down across from them and debated whether or not he should interrupt them. He decided against it and started eating his breakfast.  
“Harry, mate, you okay?” Ron asked, causing Harry to snap out of his daydream about nothing in particular.  
“Yeah, I’m fine Ron.” Harry gave Ron a smile to reassure him that he was, in fact, fine.  
“Okay, you just looked a little out of it there, mate.” Ron smiled back and decided to go back to his breakfast.

The first lesson of the day was Transfiguration, McGonagall was still their teacher which Harry was grateful for. She was slightly less strict with the returning eighth-year students but only slightly. Her expectations were still the same but she didn’t pile on homework every lesson which was nice.  
“Today class, we will be going over all the necessary spells you will need for your N.E.W.T exams.” As everyone opened their books and began practising all of their spells, Harry sighed. He partnered with Ron and they began practising spells. They were fairly easy, both Ron and Harry managed to do all of the spells right. As they practised, they talked about quidditch and becoming an Auror when they finish their N.E.W.Ts, Harry didn’t have the heart to tell Ron that he’d slowly been becoming less and less interested in being an Auror. It was something Ron seemed excited to do together.  
“I can’t wait, it’s going to be so much fun, working together,” Ron said with a gleam in his eye  
“Yeah, I can’t wait either.” Harry mustered a convincing smile and Ron didn’t suspect a thing. 

After Transfiguration ended Harry took another walk along the lake. It was later in the evening this time, the sky was darker and the stars were more prominent. The entire day had been quite monotone, nothing exciting happened. The night was chilly. Harry shoved his hands into his pockets in an attempt to warm up. It took Harry a few seconds to realise he could just cast a warming charm. He decided against it, he felt magic made life too easy and he didn’t want to become dependent on it. Besides, he didn’t mind the cold nipping at his cheeks.

“There’s not much to do outside at this time other than freeze.” The voice made Harry jump. He turned to find whoever it was and was most shocked to see Draco Malfoy standing a few feet away. They stared at each other for a minute, Harry was unsure of what to say and Malfoy wasn’t saying anything else.  
“Then why are you out here?” Hardy asked, not expecting Malfoy to answer and instead expecting him to give Harry a glare and maybe push him into the lake and let him freeze to death.  
“Fair point.” Malfoy shrugged. The two boys stood in silence for a while just looking at each other than the lake.  
“So why are you here?” Harry asked, wanting to break the silence.  
“Outside or at Hogwarts?” Malfoy answered Harry’s question with a question, a defence mechanism, Harry noted. Harry was surprised that Malfoy offered to answer why he’d returned to Hogwarts. Harry knew it was part of his parole set by the Wizengamot.  
“Outside,” Harry replied, his breath turning to fog as it left his mouth and swirled up into the night sky.  
“I was bored,” Malfoy answered simply. “What about you Potter? Why are you outside?”  
“I needed to think,” Hardy replied, turning to look back at the lake, unable to pinpoint the moment his eyes moved from the lake to Malfoy.  
“I didn’t know you could do that,” Malfoy smirked, it was the type of insult that, if they were in their fourth year, would’ve gotten him a punch in the face.  
“I’m joking, Potter,” Malfoy sighed, turning to Harry after waiting for a reply  
“Thought you wouldn’t know what a joke was Malfoy, considering you look constipated almost all the time now.” Harry fires back, in some way he was grateful for Malfoys teasing, it was familiar, it was simple.  
“Look at me much do you?” Malfoy smirked again and Harry chuckled. Harry actually chuckled.

‘I need to visit Madam Pomfrey to make sure I didn’t hit my head.’ Harry thought. 

“Well this has been delightful Potter, but I’m afraid I must bid you goodnight.” Malfoy gave Harry a nod and turned, walking back to the castle leaving Harry all alone to process what on earth just happened. 

•••

“Guys, I think Malfoys up to something,” Harry said the next morning at breakfast to Ron and Hermione. They looked at Harry as if he’d turned purple and grown an extra head.  
“Harry, you can’t be serious…” Hermione sighed in exasperation.  
“Mate, did you find a time turner and go back to sixth year or something?” Ron asked confused.  
“No, I’m serious, I was out taking a walk last night to clear my head and we had a conversation. We joked and poked fun at each other.” Harry said, determined to prove to his friends that either a) Malfoy had been replaced with a clone who didn’t get filled on the ‘I hate Harry Potter’ shtick Malfoy had going on for the past seven years, or b) Malfoy was up to something. Harry believed the latter was more plausible.  
Hermione gave him a puzzled look “maybe he’s just trying to be friendly?” She suggested.  
“Yes but why? Why now? What does he get out of it? It’s Malfoy, he never does anything without some sort of agenda.”  
“Listen, mate, I agree that he’s a prat, but maybe this is his way of… I don’t know, trying to make amends?” Harry groaned. He suspected Hermione would shut him down but Ron?  
“Why would he care enough to make amends?”  
“Well, we do have to share a dorm now, maybe he’s trying to make it less awkward? He might be trying to be better.” Harry gave up. How on earth could they not see Malfoy was clearly plotting something? There was no way Malfoy just up and decided he wanted to be friends with Harry now, it makes no sense.  
“Look, I would just suggest not to do anything impulsive. If Malfoy wants to be friends then what’s the worst that could happen? As long as no one is getting hurt how bad can it be?” Hermione asked. “McGonagall asked us all to get rid of any prejudices we have against each other, don’t you think it’s unfair of us to assume the Slytherins have bad intentions just because they might be trying to change?” Harry hated to admit that Hermione had a point.  
“It’s just a bit weird,” Harry replied whilst glancing back at the Slytherin table, Malfoy was getting ready to leave, as he rose from his seat, he gave Harry a friendly smile. Harry turned back around. Today was going to be stressful.

By potions, Harry was ready to tear his hair out. Malfoy had been giving him looks. It was unnerving. Instead of glaring at him and wishing for his slow painful death, Malfoy looked at Harry like he wanted to be friends like he didn’t pick the side led by a psychopathic mass murderer. Whilst Slughorn was nattering on about whatever potion they needed to know how to brew for their N.E.W.Ts. Harry didn’t really care, he was too focused on why on earth Pansy Parkinson would ask Hermione for help then delve into a conversation about the use of Felix Felicis. ‘They’re definitely up to something.’ Harry thought. He understood that the war changed a lot of people but it was hard to believe the Slytherins were dead set on being nice to them now for no reason. 

Charms was even worse. The Slytherins took seats at the very front and kept raising their hands and smiling every time they got picked to answer a question. ‘They must be possessed or something.’ Harry thought. Finding it difficult to believe that the Slytherins now enjoyed taking part in lessons instead of brooding at the back of the classroom. Malfoy was especially annoying, he kept asking Flitwick questions about almost everything under the sun and being polite.  
“Mate, if you’re going to try and kill Malfoy, staring at him isn’t going to do it,” Ron said from beside Harry whilst taking notes.  
“Uh, What?”  
“Stop staring at Malfoy and start taking notes. Weren’t you the one to say we should try to get into the Auror academy on grades instead of just having it handed to us?”  
“Yeah…” Harry sighed and turned his head down to his parchment. He’d been the one to convince Ron that earning their places in the Auror academy would feel ten times better than just taking them because they helped stop a war. 

The main reason Harry didn’t want to join the Auror academy is that he was tired. He was so tired of chasing bad guys and saving everyone. Harry did his part, the first eighteen years of his life were about nothing but helping everyone else and saving everyone else. Harry didn’t fancy giving up the next few decades of his life just to do something he’d already done.

As the lesson went on, Harry kept sneaking glances at Malfoy, making sure he wasn’t up to anything. Hermione and Ron might not believe him but Harry knows that Malfoy doesn't just joke around with someone he hated since he was eleven. The quick change in Malfoys behaviour towards Harry was so unsettling that Harry almost considered asking him about it; then Harry remembered that Draco Malfoy is a Slytherin and he wouldn’t just tell Harry the dastardly plan he was plotting. However, Harry was still determined to thwart whatever plan Malfoy had. 

After the lesson ended, when Harry was walking on his own to dinner, Malfoy gave Harry a smirk and stopped to whisper  
“If you’re going to stare Potter, at least try to be discreet about it.” And just like that, he was gone.  
Harry was left feeling only disbelief… and maybe some kind of nervous feeling in stomach and warmth on his cheeks.

•••

Harry returned to the dorms slightly early that night. He was exhausted. Exhausted from keeping an eye on Malfoy all day. No one else seemed to care that he was up to something. Sometimes Harry felt like the only person who cared about making sure Malfoy wasn’t plotting something.

Ron and Zabini where nowhere to be seen. Harry knew Ron and Hermione were in the library. But the whereabouts of Zabini where a mystery and it made Harry think of where Blaise Zabini would be at this time. He was probably taking advantage of the freedom given to the eighth-years in regards to Hogsmeade. They were allowed to go down to the small village whenever they wanted as long as they were back before their now extended curfew. 

Harry lay on his bed. He was tired, all he’d been doing was going to lessons yet it felt like the exhaustion that comes after a quidditch match. Harry enjoyed being back at Hogwarts, but all the expectations of him to become an Auror was starting to weigh him down.  
“Evening Potter.” Harry lifted his head to see the one and only Draco Malfoy.  
“Evening,” Harry replied simply. ‘What kind of mind game is he trying to play?’  
“So, Potter, how was your day?” Dra- Malfoy asked casually.  
“Why do you care?” Harry asked. He didn’t mean to sound rude but why in the name of all things holy did Draco Malfoy want to know how his day was?  
“Am I not allowed to be polite? Must I reserve my time for brooding and thinking up ways to get on every last one of your nerves?” Malfoy answered, his voice as elegant and smooth as ever. His silver eyes looking into Harry’s. Harry ducked his head and pretended it was due to very slight embarrassment and not that it felt like Draco Malfoy had been staring into his soul. 

‘Okay; what the fuck?’ Harry thought to himself.

“No, it’s just that… well, I didn’t expect you to care.” Harry answered honestly, hoping his honesty would subconsciously push Malfoy towards being honest about his intentions.  
“Well isn’t that why the Headmistress is having all the eighth years share dorms? To get rid of any pre-existing prejudice and expectations?” Malfoy had an answer for everything and Harry didn’t like it. How can someone who almost went to Azkaban (if not for Harry) be so casual around the person they used to call their nemesis?  
“Well, I’m going to bed. Goodnight Potter.” Malfoy gave Harry a nod and climbed into his bed, pulling the curtains and most likely casting a few privacy charms.  
“Night…” Harry replied. He decided to go to sleep. This day had already been a lot and Harry didn’t think he could take much more.

•••

The next day, Harry decided to spend his Saturday in the library for no other reason than he didn’t get stared at as much. It was strange, walking to a lesson to have people take one look at you then start whispering can get to a person. 

Harry found a nice, secluded corner of the library and sat down. ‘This seems like a good time to catch up on some homework.’ He thought to himself. Harry was serious about getting good grades, he didn’t want to be handed things. 

“Hello, Potter.” Of course, Draco sodding Malfoy just had to show up. ‘It’s like he’s everywhere’ Harry thought.  
“Hello, Malfoy.”  
“So how are you today?” Draco smiled politely.  
“Uh… I’m fine, thanks.” Harry replied, trying his best not to sound impolite and caught off guard. Malfoy just pulled out his homework and got started. There. Right next to Harry. As if they didn’t hate each other for the entire time they were at Hogwarts. Why is Draco Malfoy of all people so interested in being friends with him? What’s his plan? Harry hated not knowing what Malfoys motive was, it was way too un-Malfoy-like.  
“What’s your deal Malfoy?” Harry asked. Finally. No more beating around the bush, he was going to get it out of Malfoy if it killed him.  
“What do you mean Potter?”  
“You know what I mean! This whole friendly act you’ve got going on. Why now, after everything are you being nice to me? Why are you all smiley and friendly?” The questions poured out of Harry’s mouth like a waterfall. 

Malfoy was clearly taken aback by Harry’s sudden outburst. He probably wasn’t expecting Harry to question him in the library where anyone could just overhear their conversation. But how long did Malfoy think Harry could take this? How much did Malfoy think Harry could handle? 

“Well, the war changed a lot of things.” Malfoy took a breath, gathering his thoughts. “When you spoke on behalf of me and my mother at our trials, I realised that even though we hated each other, you still saved me from Azkaban. I know you’re a stupidly noble person by nature but I never thought you would help me. I was so horrible to you for so long just because I was an idiot and decided to hate you when we were eleven for not being my friend.” Malfoy answered honestly, even if Harry didn’t fully trust him, he knew what honesty looked like.  
“You’ve always been the centre of everything, even though now I know you never wanted any of the attention. Over the summer, before we came back to Hogwarts, I realised that we’re not as different as we seem.” Harry was utterly and completely baffled by that statement. He and Malfoy were polar opposites.  
“What brought you to that conclusion Malfoy?” Harry asked, unable to just sit there and not ask what in the name of Merlin made Malfoy think that he and Harry were similar.  
“There is the fact that we both grew up with high expectations of us. You were born as the Chosen One, from the very beginning the wizarding world expected you to rise up and defeat the darkest wizard of all time. You don’t know what it means to be your own person, you have had the weight of the entire wizarding world on your shoulders since you were a baby and it is unjust and wrong, on the other hand, I’m the only heir to the Malfoy name and fortune. If I ever went against my parents or any of their values I’d be disowned and I would have nothing. I had to do everything I was instructed to by my parents and eventually Voldemort otherwise I would be punished beyond belief. I was terrified every day that someone was going to find out how much I hated it all and I or my family would be tortured or worse. Though they are different, the expectations of us when we were just children were far too large to put on children.” Malfoy had a point, Harry wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t. Not when he could see just how much Malfoy meant what he was saying. Harry agreed with him, the world expected so much of them when they were so little. It was so unfair, Harry didn’t realise until after killing Voldemort that his entire life, even at Hogwarts, he’d only been serving others. Doing what they wanted him to do. Harry was eighteen and in his life he’d only ever made decisions based on what’s best for others. He supposed Harry couldn’t really say he knew Malfoy. Not when he just admitted to being terrified of Voldemort. How could Harry say he hated him when he only ever saw what Draco was allowed to show?  
“You… have a point. I would’ve been terrified too if my families lives were on the line all the time.” Harry looked Draco in the eye, hoping that would communicate how sincere he was.  
“I hope you know that… I’m sorry. For everything.” Draco smiled. It was small, but it was there. Harry decided he wouldn’t be mad at himself if he smiled back.  
“I’m sorry to… friends?”  
“Friends.” Draco agreed. For some reason, it made Harry’s stomach flutter. 

•••

As the weeks passed, and winter drew nearer. Harry found himself spending more time with Draco. It was a snowball effect, it started slowly. They were still cautious around each other, they talked about a lot of things, but certain topics were not discussed; topics like Voldemort and their parents or lack thereof. Neither of them seemed to mind. Sometimes they talked about quidditch and how they missed playing it. Other times they talked about how even though their friends came back with them, they still sometimes felt alone. Harry was glad he found someone to be alone with. Someone who didn’t chastise him for not finishing his homework on time or expected him to be so enthusiastic about becoming an Auror. It was refreshing. Harry thought Draco was right when he said they were more similar than they thought, they had a similar sense of humour and they even had a few inside jokes that developed as time went on. The best thing about Harry’s new friendship with Draco was freedom. Harry was so used to having the same conversations with the same people that he had forgotten what it felt like to just have fun. Sometimes they walked to dinner together, sometimes they met up in the library and ended up getting barely any work done. It was still quite unusual, but it felt good to do something no one expected. It helped Harry realise that he doesn't have to live up to any expectations anymore. He’s free; free of Voldemort, free of the responsibility of saving the wizarding world, free of people always expecting him to know what to do.

Being friends with Draco Malfoy was exciting. It’s refreshing to spend time with someone who doesn’t expect him to get perfect grades and rush out of Hogwarts into Auror training.

Harry and Draco were walking along the edge of the Black Lake. The sun was setting and the air had a slight chill. The sunlight made Draco's eyes look like liquid silver, his hair looked silky and smooth. Harry could appreciate someone attractive when he saw them. Harry did a lot of thinking over the summer before he decided to return to Hogwarts and it wasn’t just about his lack of interest in becoming an Auror.  
“Take a photograph, it’ll last longer,” Draco smirked  
“Don’t want to break my camera,” Harry replied smugly.  
Draco scoffed and called Harry a wanker, Harry laughed and called him a prat. The teasing was normal for them, but it wasn’t vicious or cruel now, it was lighthearted, like the type of banter you have with a friend.  
“So Potter…” Draco started to say before he was interrupted.  
“So Malfoy…”  
“What’s your plan for after Hogwarts?” Harry took a breath.  
“I… don’t know,” Harry admitted.  
“Really? There’s been talk of you becoming an Auror and I wanted to know if you were really that stupid.”  
“Why would I be stupid?” Harry asked defensively  
“Harry,” Draco stopped in his tracks, Harry followed suit. They were facing each other now. Face to face.  
“You’ve spent your entire life saving the wizarding world from the darkest wizard ever and you then want to run around chasing more bad guys?” Harry looked away. Draco saw right through him. Did Harry make it that obvious he didn’t want to be an Auror or was Draco just a really good Legillimens?  
“To be honest, I don’t really fancy the idea, but what else can I do? I’m good at chasing bad guys.”  
“Just because you’re good at something doesn't mean you should do it for a living.”  
“Well then what do you suggest Draco?” Harry raised an eyebrow. Draco, cocky as ever just shrugged and replied with the idea that Harry becomes a teacher.  
“That’s… that’s not a bad idea actually.” Harry gave the idea some thought. He could teach at Hogwarts, he loves Hogwarts and it’s a lot less exhausting mental than being an Auror, Harry found he liked the idea.

Draco smirked. 

“Of course it’s not, I came up with it.”  
“Well, what do you plan on doing after Hogwarts?” Harry asked.  
“Well, that depends on who’s going to be willing to hire an ex-death eater. I don’t think people will be lining up with job offers for me.” Draco shrugged and looked out onto the lake. The sun had almost completely set now. Harry could tell Draco was trying to hide his fear. The fear of not being able to find anything to do after Hogwarts. The fear of having nothing.  
“I’m sure someone will, people can’t hold it over you forever.”  
“Oh, they’ll find a way to do just that.” Draco clearly didn’t have much faith in the world. Or maybe he didn’t have faith in himself.  
“What if you became a teacher too? You could teach potions, you’re good at it and god knows Slughorn is going to want to retire the second we leave.”  
“I don’t think the ministry would agree with me having any kind of impact on the minds of children.”  
“Then tell the ministry to shove it.” Draco looked at Harry with wide eyes.  
“The Great Harry Potter slandering the ministry? I never thought I’d see the day…” Draco chuckled. Harry kicked some snow towards Draco who moved out the way just in time to protect his shoes.

‘He has a nice laugh.’

“Well, I’m full of surprises.”  
“That you are.” 

The two stood in silence for a few minutes. Stars were twinkling in the sky above them, snow was quilting the grounds below them and it was nice to just exist, to have a few minutes without reputations or expectations weighing them down. They felt free, especially when they were together because they both knew what it felt like to have the world on their shoulders. They both knew what it felt like to go to drastic measures to protect the ones you love. 

“I’m glad we’re friends,” Draco said quietly, he looked at Harry and gave him a smile.  
“Me too,” Harry replied with a smile and the two boys turned back to look at the stars. 

•••

Harry and Draco spent even more time together after that. They sat with each other at dinner and in lessons. They spent most of their time either walking the grounds of Hogwarts or sitting in the library, trying to avoid the wrath of Madam Pince. They were at a loss either way because it was too cold to stay outside for long and Madam Pince seemed to make it her sole duty to make sure that Harry and Draco didn’t make any more than a whisper.

It got to the point where Hermione and Ron kidnapped Harry and questioned him as to why he was spending so much time with Malfoy all of a sudden. The fact that they thought it was sudden showed Harry just how little mind they paid him. Whenever anyone asked ‘why are you so chummy with Malfoy now?’ Harry would shrug and reply ‘house unity’ then walk off to go and find said Malfoy. They were the ones who told Harry that he needed to get over his ‘obsession’ with Malfoy and he did. Instead of following him everywhere because Harry believed he was up to something, Harry now followed Draco everywhere because they were friends.

The more time they spent together, the more Harry would feel butterflies every time Draco laughed. The more Harry would notice how conventionally attractive Draco was. It was all quite a shock to Harry when he woke up one morning having dreamed about holding Draco's hand on one of their regular walks along the snow-covered bank of the Black Lake.

Harry decided that because he didn’t want to ruin this friendship he had with Draco now, he wouldn’t tell anyone about his feelings for the blonde. It was easier to pretend that he didn’t like Malfoy than fuck up a perfectly good friendship. It became increasingly difficult for Harry to hide his feelings as time went on. Every time Draco smiled at him Harry’s stomach would flutter and he’d put all his effort into making sure his face didn’t turn Gryffindor red. Whenever Draco lightly pushed him or hit him in the arm, Harry had to force down the thought of wanting to hold Draco Malfoy’s hand of all things. Another thing that started to happen more regularly was Draco staring at Harry. Usually, it was the other way around and it felt strange to be on the receiving end.

The rest of his day was spent avoiding making physical contact with Draco at all.

It didn’t help that Draco was being rather touchy. Leaning to mutter sometimes Harry’s ear, insisting on dragging Harry by the arm to their lessons, making sure to stay close to harry at all times. Draco continued on like this for a week and Harry couldn’t take it anymore. Harry felt like he was going insane. Every time Draco would smile at Harry it would cause Harry’s stomach to erupt into a flurry of butterflies and his face would turn bright red. It was quite inconvenient, especially when it seemed to spur Draco on.

The two were studying in the library one afternoon, the winter sun was shining through the silver clouds and it made Draco look nothing short of angelic. His eyes were practically sparkling and harry was about ninety per cent sure his skin was glowing. ‘Studying. we‘re supposed to be studying potions’. Harry had to remind himself not to stare at Malfoy, no matter how attractive he looked. Draco was reading a book on advanced potions and what it would require to become a professional potions master.

Draco was leaning his elbow against the windowsill and had his cheek resting against his closed fist. It should be illegal to be that handsome when doing something as simple as reading. He was just sat there, his silver eyes skimming the pages, his almost white hair shining in the sunlight. 

“Enjoying the view?” Draco looked up with a smirk on that sharp face of his. Harry looked away. Harry panicked as he tried to think of something witty to say, something that wouldn’t make Draco suspect Harry pf having feelings for him but something that didn’t seem like Harry was shrugging him off.  
“How can I? You’re in the way.” Harry fired a smirk back, hoping that his feelings for Draco would leave him alone so he could have a normal conversation with his friend without thinking about the way Draco’s voice makes Harry melt like ice cream that’s been left on concrete at midday in summer.  
“Harry, I am the view.” Draco chuckled. After a minute or two of Harry sitting in silence because he felt too awkward to just spend time with Draco now. It seemed Draco was observant as he stopped laughing and looked at Harry with an eyebrow raised.  
“Okay, what’s going on Potter?”  
“Nothing, everything’s fine.”  
“Bullshit. I can tell you’re hiding something.”  
“Just… leave it alone Draco please.” Harry looked into Draco’s eyes, praying to god that Draco wouldn't question him further.  
“Fine, just- don’t torture yourself with whatever it is.” Concern was evident in Draco’s voice, it was clear he wanted to help but that would mean Harry would have to tell him how he felt. Harry didn't think he could handle losing Draco now. Draco understood Harry and didn't judge him for not wanting to be an Auror. With Draco, Harry was free.  
“It’s nothing bad.” Harry hoped that would ease Draco’s mind.  
“If it’s nothing bad then why can’t you tell me?” Draco kept pushing for answers and Harry could tell he wasn’t going to give up that easily.  
Harry sighed “because you might think it’s bad.”  
“Potter, stop being so cryptic and just tell me what’s going on, secrets aren’t a good thing to have between friends.” Draco said then followed with “I’m not going to hate you.” his tone was sincere and Harry wanted to believe Draco, Harry wanted to tell Draco that he liked him. In a romantic way, but Harry just couldn’t see it ending well for either of them. Harry didn’t want to bottle it up because he knew that would end badly. The main reason Harry didn’t want to reveal his feelings to Draco was that he didn’t want to lose Draco. Harry internally scolded himself, he should know that Draco wouldn’t just leave him because Harry had a small crush. Draco had been the one to tell Harry to take more risks and go for what he wants. Draco had encouraged Harry to take control over his life and he’d even gone so far as to say that Harry becoming an Auror was ridiculous. Would Draco find Harry ridiculous if he found out what Harry was hiding? 

Harry decided he was going to take the risk. Did it completely and utterly terrify him? Yes, but, Draco deserved to know the truth.

“I like you.” Silence followed Harry’s confession, for a second Harry thought Draco hadn’t heard him but then he replied.  
“Well, I should hope so. I haven’t been flirting with you for the past two weeks for no reason.” Draco scoffed but he was blushing and dear god Harry almost burst.  
“What- you- flirting?” Harry exclaimed in shock. Then, like a tsunami, the realisation kicked in.  
“Yes, Harry, flirting. I was planning on talking to you about it later, but I guess nows as good a time as any.” Draco paused and cleared his throat “I like you too.” 

•••

After that, the two were practically inseparable. They did the same things they did before except now when they walked to lessons, their hands would be intertwined and Draco would smile at Harry as if he hung the stars in Draco’s honour. Each time they greeted each other Harry would go onto his tip-toes to place a kiss on Draco’s soft cheek. 

They received some strange looks but if Harry was being honest, he couldn’t give less of a shit. Harry and Draco fit well together, they balanced each other out and they didn’t judge each other. The best thing about their relationship though was that they both made each other happy. They challenged each other but they loved it. Draco was a force to be reckoned with. Harry loved the way Draco didn’t treat Harry like he was made of glass. Draco treated Harry like an equal, he didn’t shy away from telling Harry the truth.

“Harry!” the shout disrupted Harry from his inner monologue about why his boyfriend was so great. The shout came from the previously aforementioned boyfriend who was now standing right in front of Harry with a gorgeous smirk on his face.  
“What do you want?” Harry asked, knowing the smirk only meant one thing.  
“I want to take you down to Hogsmeade for dinner instead of eating dinner in the Great Hall because it’s loud and unromantic in there and I simply cannot romance you in those conditions.” Draco smiled and linked his arm with Harry’s as they started their journey towards Hogsmeade.

As they walked Draco was excitedly telling Harry about something to do with potions. Harry sighed in contentment. He was happy, he was free and it felt amazing. The way Draco’s hand slipped into Harry’s and fit like a glove was a very welcome bonus. 

~


End file.
